Euro XXX doesn’t waste any fucking time at all, getting right down to the good stuff in the name itself. You don’t even have to take a look to know what kind of smut they’re peddling, but hey, I’m the kind of guy who likes to take a look anyway. If you tell me you’re not interested in seeing naked hotties bouncing on cocks and eating semen for dinner, I’m going to call you a liar.
Just like it says on the package, EuroXXX.net is dealing mainly in European porn. To be more specific, this free tube’s gimmick is full-length Euro fuck flicks. If the title didn’t suck you in already, I bet the gimmick’s enough to do the trick. If not, well, read this review and come to understand my own professional opinion on the subject.
Down and Dirty with Euro XXX
The EuroXXX.net domain isn’t even a year old, but get a load of that logo. There’s a retro vibe to it with those funky fonts and color gradients, but my eyes quickly wander to far more interesting matters. For example, there’s a Black broad spitting on a dick she’s caressing between her massive boobies, a hot Latina getting bent over a desk, and a couple of MILFs swapping partners for the evening, and that’s all in just the top row.
If you’re a porn fan, you’re going to feel like you’re in familiar territory. Most of the movies come from big studios and paysites that you’ll recognize immediately. I’ve reviewed a ton of these sites here at ThePornDude. Euro XXX is offering up fap fodder from such illustrious sites as BangBus, MYLF, PervMom and TeamSkeet. The Latest Videos out front include a FamilyStrokes incestuous threesome, a Public Agent outdoor indecent exposure, and a Shoplyfter MILF paying the price for stealing.
In fact, if you go to the site’s Categories page, you won’t find the usual list of smutty subcategories like Anal, Teen and Creampies. Instead, you’ll find entries like AnalMom, StrandedTeens and TeenPies. The whole section is a thumbnailed list of premium sites, running six pages so far.
The videos from these companies ain’t the same free samples you see on the free tubes, either. On most tubes, you’re fapping your way through an endless trail of ten-minute sample videos from the major porn studios. At EuroXXX.net, most of the movies run twenty minutes to an hour. There are exceptions to that rule, like an 18-minute Czech Streets scene I see out front, or the nearly three-hour Czech Mega Swingers epic beside it.
I’m getting a little worked up and I haven’t gotten lubed up yet. Hell, I’m still just poking around the front page, but these guys are already making a compelling case for wasting the rest of the day shaking my dick at the site. The only problem is I’ve already been in the Starbucks restroom for half an hour, and I think they’re starting to get suspicious.
Two-Thousand Pornos and Counting
EuroXXX.net has a simple tube setup, with the flicks sorted by their upload date. The site hasn’t been around all that long, but they’ve already built up a sizable and fapworthy collection. With over two-thousand pornos and counting, you’re going to have your hands full for a while. I’ve actually been typing this whole review with just one hand, and it’s taking me forever because I keep getting distracted by taboo flicks and taxi sex.
I mentioned how the Euro XXX Categories page was a list of paysites rather than actual porn categories. The setup is convenient if you’re looking for material from a certain site, but it’s less useful if you’re looking for certain niches and sex acts. They don’t seem to use tags, so the search function is only running through movie titles and descriptions. A search for “blowjob” only brings back about fifty results. You don’t have to be a porn expert like me to know that can’t possibly be all of them. Most full-length pornos include dick-sucking, so most of the movies on EuroXXX do, too.
It may be a little harder to sort through than elsewhere, but there is a nice range of material available. There are grandpas banging teens, interracial gangbangs, public fucking, anal and incest, and that’s just listing things I can see out front. Unless you’re into some deep niche fetish stuff, you’ll definitely find plenty to get your rocks off to.
They also have a nice Actors section with over 800 pornstars listed. There are a shit ton of recognizable names and familiar titties on this picture menu, including a lot of broads who ain’t Euro. I don’t think anybody’s going to complain about girls like Abella Danger and Alex Coal getting nailed among the European sluts. It’s one of those things that might be technically inaccurate, but everybody’s going to be happy anyway.
Lube Up, Fap Away, and Save Some, Too
You’re definitely going to want to put a condom on your browser while you’re visiting Euro XXX. Porn tubes that specialize in full-length movies tend to have a lot of spam, and this one’s no exception. It’s not so bad with my adblocker on, but without it, I get a shit-ton of sketchy pop-ups whenever I try to watch the movies. (Also, I was sure that sidebar image of a girl getting railed on a desk was an ad that slipped through my plugin. It turns out it’s just a link to their XXX Pawn site rip.)
Spam-blocker engaged and ding-dong thoroughly covered in a greasy coat of Vaseline, it was time to begin my official fap test. I haven’t watched a BangBus movie in a while, and EuroXXX.net has one that was just released a couple of days ago. Much of their collection is added almost immediately after its official release. That alone will make this place a destination for cheapskates looking to see new big-name releases without ponying up the cash.
EuroXXX doesn’t actually host anything, so you’ll have to watch through a spammy filehost video player. With my adblocker on, that meant I had to click a couple of extra times to get the video running, and it was kind of a pain in the ass to skip around throughout the video. The movie did load pretty smoothly, although not in the HD or 4K resolution you’d expect if you were getting it from the source.
This movie runs 52 minutes long, opening with the BangBus finding a young hottie waiting on a bench. She’s a super cute chick, Honey Hayes, who’s wearing glasses and a tiny pair of overall shorts. They chat her up, and a few minutes later, she’s topless in the back of the van. The girl’s got a beautiful, perky natural rack with pierced nipples and an adorable smile to match.
It takes fifteen minutes for Honey to get totally naked, by which point they’re showering the little cutie with cash. A few minutes later, she’s moaning as she gets fingered, which naturally leads to a fantastic blowjob as palm trees roll by the windows.
It’s a nice bit of smut, but hey, what did you expect from some of the original pioneers in reality porn? You’d normally have to shell out a subscription fee to watch, but Euro XXX has the hookup for free. You can even download your favorites. Downloads are hosted on file locker services, which come with their own set of issues, but hey, free porno.
Really, the wait times on those filehosts and the spam are a small price to pay for what EuroXXX.net has got to offer. Sure, the resolution isn’t perfect and there are a few ads along the way, but in exchange, you get full porn movies.
I don’t think it’s fair to call EuroXXX.net a Euro porn tube, as it really seems like a Euro and American porn tube. I think it was William Shakespeare who said a pussy by any other name still smells like roses, unless it’s unwashed, in which case it smells like Filet-o-Fish. I think something similar applies here. None of you perverts are going to be thinking about the site’s name when you’re reaping the bounty of thousands of full-length, major studio porno movies.